Kale, Squared.

Momma always told you to eat your greens.  Broccoli, spinach, zucchini…all the disgusting stuff that Disney encouraged you to slip under the table to the dog.  Because green plants are for cows, and cows are for humans.  No need to disrupt the natural food cycle.  Right?

Wrong.  Everyone knows that Momma knows best, and also that Walt Disney was a racist prick.  It turns out that veggies are actually pretty damn good for us – especially the green ones (gasp!).  But which ones are the best?  And do they all taste like dirt?

Enter: Kale.  A curious species of cabbage most people don’t know about.  It’s super tasty AND super healthy, with ridiculously high levels of beta carotene, Vitamin K, lutein, and zeaxanthin (don’t ask me about those last two).  Basically, you can become Popeye without ever touching a slimy can of spinach.

I’ve been messing around with kale for a few months now, and I think I’ve come up with a few solid recipes.  It’s extremely versatile and can be incorporated into almost any dish (soups, pastas, casseroles, ice cream?).  The following side dishes highlight kale as the main ingredient, and are a quick and easy way to boost both your vitamin content and self esteem.  One is a raw kale salad with a tangy Asian vinaigrette.  The other is a modest attempt to revolutionize the potato chip.  Both are equally delicious in my oh-so-humble opinion.  So give kale a shot, and give yourself a break from all those overtaxed cruciferous vegetables you never really liked anyway.  Momma would be proud.

Kale Salad

1 bunch kale, finely chopped
3 large carrots, shredded
3 scallions, diced
1 can water chestnuts, sliced
3 tbsp. toasted coconut (optional)

Lemon-Tahini Vinaigrette

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup rice vinegar
2 tbsp. tahini
2 tbsp. honey
1 tbsp. minced ginger

1. Combine the salad ingredients in a large bowl.
2. Mix the vinaigrette separately.
3. Add to the salad and toss to coat.
4. Refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving.

 

Sesame Kale Chips

1 bunch kale, cut into bite-sized pieces
3 tbsp. sesame oil
3 tbsp. rice vinegar
2 tbsp. soy sauce

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Combine the liquid ingredients in a large bowl.
3. Add the kale and toss to coat.
4. Spread evenly across a cookie sheet.
5. Bake for 10-15 minutes or until crisp.

Mashed Potato Mashup

Something is terribly wrong.  It’s raining on Labor Day, the (alleged) best beach day of the year. I wonder what we did to piss the weather gods off like this.  Maybe it’s the umbrellas.  Or the air conditioning.  Or all the greenhouse gases.  Eh, whatever.

What really matters is that now I can’t enjoy Labor Day like it’s meant to be enjoyed – with beach, barbeque, and beer.   Instead I’m sipping coffee and staring at my computer screen.  Celebrating the end of summer in a goddam blanket instead of a beach towel.  Stoked.

So I’m going to do the logical thing to cope with my pre-autumn existential angst.  I’m going to eat.  A lot.  Not just anything, though.  Comfort food.  Because it’s raining on Labor Day and I’m pissed.

But as soon as I get in the kitchen, something magical happens.  I’m not angry anymore.  I’m actually a little excited, because I don’t eat comfort food very often.  My head is buzzing with ideas.  What shall I make?  Mac n’ cheese?  Enchiladas?  Clam chowder?

Mashed potatoes.  That’s the one.  I haven’t made them in years and I think it’s about time for a reunion.  The creative om is flowing over my body like syrup and I’m starting to feel ambitious.  This should be interesting.

Fast forward an hour or two and now I’m staring at 3 bowls of… something.

Tasty?  Yes.
Mashed potatoes?  I think so.
Genius?  Don’t get ahead of yourself.

Whatever it was I made today, I’m glad I made it.  I guess I’ll call it a mashed-potato-mashup.  And I guess I have the weather gods to thank for that (Namaste).  The following recipes are my attempt to calculate what exactly occurred in my kitchen this afternoon.  I hope they’re accurate and I hope you have the balls to give them a try.  Or, at the very least, let my Labor Day labors inspire your own creativity in the kitchen.  Go make something weird.  Like bacon ice cream or bleu cheese quesadillas.

Sesame Ginger Mashed Potatoes (Vegan):

• 1 pound purple potatoes
• 1 tbsp. sesame oil
• 1 tbsp fresh ginger, chopped
• 2 tbsp. soy sauce
• 1 tbsp. Sriracha (or other Asian hot sauce)
• 1/2 cup green onions, diced
• 1/2 cup coconut milk
• 1/4 cup toasted sesame seeds (reserve 2 tbsp. for topping

Directions:

1. Cook the potatoes in boiling water for 15-20 minutes, or until tender.   Remove and drain.
2. Place potatoes and remaining ingredients in a large bowl.
3. Mash using an electric mixer or potato masher.
4. Sprinkle with 2 tbsp. sesame seeds
5. Enjoy!

Chipotle Corn Mashed Potatoes (Vegan):

• 1 pound yukon gold potatoes
• 1 tsp. olive oil
• 1/2 cup onion, diced
• 3/4 cup corn
• 1/4 cup cilantro, finely chopped
• 1 tbsp. chipotle hot sauce
• 1/2 cup coconut milk
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. pepper
• 1/4 cup tortilla chips, crushed

Directions:

1. Cook the potatoes in boiling water for 15-20 minutes, or until tender.  Remove and drain.
2. In a small pan, saute the corn and onion in 1 tsp. olive oil for 3-4 minutes (or until tender).
3. Place potatoes and corn mixture in a large bowl.  Add remaining ingredients (except chips).
4. Mash using an electric mixer or potato masher.
5. Sprinkle with tortilla chips
6. Enjoy!

Rosemary Parmesan Mashed Potatoes:

• 1 pound yukon gold potatoes
• 2 cloves garlic
• 3 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tbsp. sherry
• 2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
• 1 tsp. rosemary
• 1 tsp. thyme
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. pepper
• 1/4 cup + 2 tbsp. Parmesan cheese

Directions:

1. Cook the potatoes in boiling water for 15-20 minutes, or until tender.  Remove and drain.
2. In a small pan, saute the garlic in 1 tbsp. olive oil for 1-2 minutes, or until golden brown.
3. Place potatoes, garlic and remaining ingredients (except 2 tbsp. Parmesan) in a large bowl.
4. Mash using an electric mixer or potato masher.
5. Sprinkle with remaining Parmesan cheese.
6. Enjoy!